Home > Human Resources > Job Ad Humors

Job Ad Humors

“PROFIT-SHARING PLAN:”
Once it’s shared between the higher-ups, there won’t be a profit.

“COMPETITIVE SALARY:”
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

“JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:”
We have no time to train you; you’ll have to introduce yourself to your coworkers.

“SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER:”
We’re not going to supply you with leads; there’s no base salary; you’ll wait 30 days for your first commission check.

“SEEKING ENTHUSIASTIC, FUN, HARD WORKING, PEOPLE:
“…who still live with their parents and won’t mind our internship-level salaries.

“CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:”
We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

“COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT:”
We have a lot of turnover.

“EXCITING AND PROFESSIONAL WORK ENVIRONMENT:”
Guys in gray suits will bore you with tales of squash and their weekends on yachts.

“FUN WORK ENVIRONMENT:”
Your coworkers will be insulted if you don’t drink with them.

“A DRUG-FREE WORK ENVIRONMENT:”
We booze it up at company parties.

“MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:”
You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

“SOME PUBLIC RELATIONS REQUIRED:”
If we’re in trouble, you’ll go on TV and get us out of it.

“A HIGHLY VISIBLE POSITION:”
You’ll give boring speeches on your own time.

“FLEXIBLE HOURS:”
Work 40 hours; get paid for 25.

“DUTIES WILL VARY:”
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

“WHERE EMPLOYEES FEEL VALUED:”
Those who missed the last round of layoffs, that is.

“MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:”
We have no quality control.

“CAREER-MINDED:”
Female Applicants must must be childless (and remain that way).

“SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:”
You’ll need it to replace three people who just left.

“PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:”
You’re walking into a company in perpetual, systemic chaos.

“REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:”
You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

“GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:”
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do.

“ABILITY TO HANDLE A HEAVY WORKLOAD:”
You whine, you’re fired.

More at  http://www.freemaninstitute.com/hrhumor

Share and Enjoy:
  • Digg
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Google
  • E-mail this story to a friend!
  • LinkedIn
  • Live
  • MySpace
  • Ping.fm
  • Reddit
  • StumbleUpon
  • Technorati
  • Yahoo! Buzz
  • TwitThis

Sonnie Human Resources

  1. No comments yet.
  1. No trackbacks yet.