My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years now. We already have a two year old daughter and still we don’t have plans of getting married. We practically share what we have with each other and we’re living together just like married people.

I was brought up by my mother who is very conservative. But I have my own beliefs, way too much far from hers. She said I should only have sex when I get married. duh?

^^ v

Solution: don’t get married.

What is important is that the values of the couple with regards to sexual relations is clear. The expectations between the two should always be clear.

this much i agree with, whether or not the couples have had sex before marriage. no more and no less.

A man who facilitated our pre marriage counseling more than 15 years ago said, “the best test to know if your partner can keep the marriage bed pure is if s/he can keep his/her pants on (with you) before marriage“. Some couples who engaged in pre-marriage sex have put their marriage in tatters at one point and a handful also, had a failed marriage. While there are other factors on failed marriage, some believed the behavior before marriage is contributory.

Premarital sex is NEVER a factor in a marriage breakup — and there are many, many couples who have engaged in premarital sex who have successful marriages. On the other hand there are couples who did not engage in premarital sex who end up being sexually dissatisfied with their partner by the time they’ve said their I dos. My point is there is no proven correlation between premartial sex and the success of a marriage.

As a human being, we have to contend with memories. A good sexual experience will surely be stored in our hard drive, just as good food or good vacation. If human nature will take it’s course, a person will keep on returning to the “good” experience.

A human is not a rat, nor are they Pavlov’s Dog that salivates with every ring of a bell. The actions of men are always active, conscious decisions. If a person has had a “good experience” with a certain woman, the brain must also contain details on why the relationship with that woman did not work. Was she merely a prostitute? Did they always argue if they were in a relationship? They weren’t compatible? The brain also contains the bad things — which should allow a person to make informed, intelligent decisions with regards to the context of whatever “good experience” they remember.

I am not implying that every couple should have premarital sex. What is important is that the values of the couple with regards to sexual relations is clear. The expectations between the two should always be clear.